Day 12 – Something I Miss

With the boys at Ocean Journey (now the Denver Aquarium)

With the boys at Ocean Journey (now the Denver Aquarium)

Cold and snowy mornings like this make me nostalgic, which makes me think of the time passing, and how much I miss my boys when they were little.

Yes, I’ve become one of those tiresome old ladies, the ones who used to make me cringe, stopping to admire every baby in every stroller and shopping cart, and telling the mother with circles under her sleep-deprived eyes to hold on tight to them while they are little. I sound like a sappy country song when I tell her that someday she will miss these times. But the cliche’ is true — time just whizzes by so flipping fast.

I miss how my older son looked with his binkie and his stuffed Big Bird and his sleepy eyes just before it was time to go to bed. I miss how he used to have to listen to Kenny Loggins to get to sleep every night. I miss him toddling into my room and climbing into bed with us in the wee hours of the morning to snuggle, putting his cold feet on my legs and asking to watch Rugrats on Nick Jr. I miss how he used to call our dog, Kodiak, “Kodi-Quack”. I miss him kicking the soccer ball against the shed in the backyard over and over and over again.

I miss how my younger son used to talk himself to sleep. It was as if he had to verbalize everything going on his brain before he could settle down to sleep.  I miss how he used to hug me and tell me I was “the best mom ever”. I miss the little stuffed dogs he would carry around everywhere – Tony and Fred. I’m not sure if I even know where they are anymore. I miss his obsession with numbers, and proudly telling everyone who would listen that he was three years old, which meant he was “odd” and “prime” (I used to get a lot of strange looks). I miss his imaginary friend, Yohooty, and how Yohooty would always get into trouble coloring on the walls.

I miss how everything used to be a wonder to them. I miss reading to them at night. I miss carpooling. I miss the soccer games. Every. Single. Weekend.

My boys are big now — 19 and almost 16. I know that someday I will miss these teenage years, and I try my best to slow down and take note of each milestone. But parenthood is a bittersweet journey at best. You spend so much time worrying and fretting and hoping that you can make it through the day without completely losing your shit and causing them to need therapy all their lives — only to wake up one morning and pass by an empty, clean bedroom, not knowing whether to feel sad that there’s no longer a little boy sleeping with his Big Bird in there anymore, or happy that you raised him well enough to be able to be out finding his own way.

Most days, I’m happy and grateful that I’ve managed to get this far. But sometimes I miss Big Bird, Tony and Fred.

Come join the fun at FabulousFindsByTiffany.com

Come join the fun at FabulousFindsByTiffany.com

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7 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Paula Kaye
    Mar 12, 2013 @ 10:08:01

    You will be ready for grandchildren when they come. It is like having your kids again, but so much better
    http://paulasplace-paula.blogspot.com/2013/03/i-miss-man-he-used-to-be.html

  2. moniqueis
    Mar 12, 2013 @ 10:12:32

    I don’t have any kids but just yesterday I was buying a birthday card for my niece’s first birthday and my eyes started welling up with tears! I can’t imagine the emotions I’ll feel when I do become a mom!

  3. Laura
    Mar 12, 2013 @ 11:22:08

    The Kenny Loggins comment reminded me of a hilarious blog post. You should read it, it will make you smile 😀

    http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com/2010/12/year-kenny-loggins-ruined-christmas.html

  4. jennifer s.
    Mar 12, 2013 @ 11:22:57

    Aww, my kids are 9, 11 and 13 and I miss the little ages too… It goes so quickly! I wish we had more digital cameras and such back then, I feel like I didn’t get to save a lot…

  5. kimberlyfoley
    Mar 13, 2013 @ 16:46:04

    Thanks, Laura, that did give me a smile! I seem to remember reading that blog before. It’s hilarious!

  6. kimberlyfoley
    Mar 13, 2013 @ 16:47:29

    Moniqueis – don’t even get me started on my niece! She is three years old and I’m already thinking she’s growing up too fast!

  7. kimberlyfoley
    Mar 13, 2013 @ 16:48:07

    Paula – my boys BETTER give me grandkids … but not too soon, I hope. 😉

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