The Art of Navel-Gazing

I’m boring the hell out myself with this blog. All I seem to write is, “yeah, I’m still working on the novel, yeah it’s slow-going, yeah it’s frustrating, blah, blah, blah.” I think it’s part of the reason I don’t blog much. I’ll sit down and think “Oh, God, they don’t want to hear that again.” Or “No, I can’t write that, they’ll think I’m crazy.” or “No, that’s navel-gazing, nobody likes a navel-gazer.” or “Stop your whining, everybody’s got problems, nobody wants to hear yours.” So then I give up, and I don’t write anything. I figure I’ll come back when I have something good to say. After all, if you don’t have anything good to say, don’t say anything at all, right? Right?

Hmmmm …

One of my favorite authors, Lucy March, recently started a new blog where she is blogging every day up until her 40th birthday, which, in her words, is “a year and some change” away — 506 days from this writing, to be exact. She started it about a week ago, and it’s quickly become my habit to read her blog, along with other friends’ blogs, each morning with my coffee while I try get my brain sparking. Lucy is one of the hosts of my favorite podcast, Will Write for Wine, and has written several novels under the name of Lani Diane Rich. I’ve read most of her books, and have followed other blogs of hers in the past, but I’ve enjoyed this new blog the most. It is, in my humble opinion, some of the best writing I’ve read by her, even though it’s just chronicling her journey to forty, while going through a divorce and making some big changes in her life. I’m pretty sure that, given her situation, a lot of days she has a hard time finding something good to say, but she writes anyway. I think the reason I like it so much is because she’s thrown off all her barriers and is just writing the raw truth, fearlessly and from the heart.

And it’s made me realize something — something really important. That fearless, raw, right-from-the-heart truth is exactly what’s missing from my blog. I skim the surface of what I’m thinking; I don’t go terribly deep. Part of it, I guess, is that I’m not very good at talking about myself. I don’t find myself particularly interesting, and I’m much more interested in other people and their thoughts and their stories. It’s not like I don’t have any good stories myself, it’s just that I usually assume, for whatever reason, people don’t want to hear them. And then there’s the “crazy” factor. Sometimes I think if I really open up and let people know what I’m thinking, they’ll think I’m a nutcase. After all, there are a couple people who read this blog whose kids hang out with my kids, and I don’t want them to think, “wow, I don’t want them going over to that crazy lady’s house”. But logically I know that’s really not the case. I mean, they’ve known me for quite awhile, so they’ve GOT to know I’m a little odd by now. Or, maybe I give myself too much credit. Maybe I want to be strange, but I’m not. Maybe that’s my fear. Hell, I don’t know … my point is that I’ve got to open up more here because otherwise it’s bland and there’s no real point.

So here’s the thing, and I’m warning all of you just in case you want to bail — I’m gonna navel-gaze. I’m gonna whine. I’m going to tell stupid stories about my life. Because that’s pretty much the point of this blog — to share all of that with anybody who is interested and who might be on the same path, with the same thoughts, the same problems and the same brand of crazy. I find I can’t do that very well without a little navel-gazing and whining. I’ve even made a tags called “navel-gazing” and “whining” just to let myself know it’s okay.

Consider yourself warned.

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1 Comment (+add yours?)

  1. coffeegirl88
    Jan 18, 2010 @ 13:56:02

    Looking forward to whatever to post next.

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